Jesus ChristFollow
If The Devil Wears Prada then your savior wears nada. #nakedjesus
Jesus ChristFollow
I'm just assuming my Dad is fucking with the Browns.
Jesus ChristFollow
Don't trust anyone over 3 billion years old.
Jesus ChristFollow
Just honked at a police car that just cut me off. Such empowerment! #citizenshonk
Jesus ChristFollow
Ready for Saturday night? You better be. Your privates are counting on you.
Jesus ChristFollow
Checking some old prayer emails. Did you know John Stamos prayed six straight hours for 'a semblance of a personality' back in '93?!
Jesus ChristFollow
Thinking about getting an angel to blow me during intermissions this season. #heavengoalie
Jesus ChristFollow
Any prayer that includes the word "Bieber" gets automatically put in the spam folder.
Jesus ChristFollow
I was actually arrested for dealing drugs. #BehindTheBible
Jesus ChristFollow
You don't have to breathe up here. Some do though. It makes them feel more at home, I guess.
Jesus ChristFollow
#DontTouchMy holes. No, they don't hurt anymore. You're just being rude.
Jesus ChristFollow
#HowToMakeMeMad Using my name to justify your violence.
Jesus ChristFollow
That Tebow guy looks like he tries his ass off there mostly because he's perpetually horny and needs it to blow off steam. #SNEAKPEAKBIBLE2
Jesus ChristFollow
#ReasonsWeCantBeTogether I'm dead, sicko.
Jesus ChristFollow
Currently writing "Behind the Bible: Too Hot for Mass" so stay tuned...
Jesus ChristFollow
Fundamentalists are right; I used to ride dinosaurs. Not because evolution is wrong, but because I'm bad ass.
Jesus ChristFollow
The disciples asked, "What of Mary Magdalene? How do you know her?" Jesus said, "She gotta big booty so I call her Big Booty." #parables
Jesus ChristFollow
Perception is reality, so let my perceive a nice look at them tits so I know they exist. #jesusafterdarkinaustralia
Jesus ChristFollow
My Dad is “all-loving?” What Bible did you read?
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